Dear Pre-EVR Creative EVR,

Whoa. That was a lot. Never expected all that. I mean, I knew it would be difficult to start a freelance business during a pandemic with no real business experience, >100k in student debt, financial support from a partner, skeptical parents whose opinion I value, and a highly sensitive personality. But still, I didn’t expect it to be all that hard to get where I am, where you will be. Knowing what I know now, I just had to tell you about it because you might not believe it otherwise.

I had an inkling that the grass was greener over here, here being in the midst of your future business. But I wasn’t sure, because we’ve had a lifetime of being told to be wary of that sentiment. Having a job you don’t love is just part of being an adult, right? Nah. Eventually, you will be given the opportunity to try something different, to start your own business to do what you want to do and what you’re good at. Never thought about that, have you? Well, young lady, you’re gonna take it and run with it. Because you are you. And that is me. Here’s what happened….

You donned rose-tinted glasses, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed, and took a leap of faith. Sorry, that’s not exactly fair. You are a calculated person. You thought about this. That accepting financial support from your hard-working partner would show your privilege. You talked about where you’d go if worse came to worse. You knew you would work hard. That it would take time to establish yourself as a freelancer. The planner side of you had to be quieted because the unpredictability of what impact the pandemic would have was, well, unpredictable. There would be a lot of emotions involved for sure. Duh. But still, you laced up your shoes — those fresh cream-colored high-top converse — and leaped…

…and you landed at the base of a mountain. You started climbing, pushing those rose-tinted glasses up the bridge of your nose. “I love a good challenge!” you said to yourself all cute and giddy. And, girl, what a challenge it’s been.

Those first few steps were exciting — reading inspiring books on forging your own path, getting a business license, setting up your LinkedIn profile to say “Owner at EVR Creative.” You thought, wow this is great! Now I just need to get paid….

Cue George of the Jungle remix: Em, Em, Em of the mountain, lives a life that’s free. Ahhh — watch out for that tree root.

Enter face plant #1: finding clients is hard. Sure, you had your old boss asking for your editing services within a month, but that felt like a gimme. Application after application, you got rejected, more often ghosted. PSA to hiring managers: a simple “thanks, but no thanks” is better than radio silence. But you kept trudging up the mountain. It was getting rocky. You were chomping at the bit for more work, but no one seemed to notice much, or care. You had been counting the weeks since you quit your job, not realizing you were holding yourself to a secret timeline of success. You asked yourself, “Surely I should be further along by now?”

Enter face plant #2: it’s going to take a lot longer than you think to earn income. Oh, the lull was really hard on you. You questioned whether you were cut out for this whole womenpreneurship thing. You were desperate to contribute financially, even just cover groceries for a week. Realizing your income would be meager at best for a while, and that’s when you actually had jobs to do, you applied for unemployment benefits. But of course they said no, because you willingly quit your job. “Unhappiness,” to put it simply, certainly doesn’t show up on the dropdown menu of reasons to quit a job. “And you’re self-employed now!” they said. “You aren’t even looking for traditional employment.” So, no, application denied. Next. Money stress was high. Suddenly your debt loomed over you more than ever. My debt, you ask? Yes. Best described as a longtime foe who never seems to go away and is always looking for a payout. Yup, that’s your debt. And don’t forget the money you will owe your parents for your car and helping you pay grad school tuition. Oh God! You started to crumble under the stress.

Enter face plant #3: doubt and insecurity are on high. You contemplated giving up, thinking, “Who am I kidding? This is irresponsible. Time to get a ‘real’ job.” Next to you, a loving but forceful voice said, “Don’t give up!” Across the phone, you heard, “Don’t you dare give up.” Your internal voice said, “No, I’m not ready to give up yet.” So, you wiped your tears (and snot — God, so much snot) and kept going. I don’t know what to call it, but something in you wasn’t ready to go back to the “real world.” But the actual real world? It was a mess. Sickness, death, loneliness, restrictions, and a buttload of uncertainty. One day you felt the closest thing to a panic attack you’ve ever experienced. All your insecurities were bubbling up to the surface. “Am I any good at this job I made for myself, am I a good partner, a good daughter, a happy person?” Oh, girl, you were spiraling.

Enter face plant #4: anxiety, depression. Now, that was a lot. Really did feel like a face plant. I mean, you’ve been in lows before — you’re human — and I think we can both agree you’re a bit prone to anxiousness (see history of wordy, overthought emails, text messages, and internal and external conversations for details). But this? This was something else, and we don’t need to relive those dark moments here. Suffice it to say that you will get help, and I’m proud you did. Being a human is hard work, not to mention when the thoughts going through your head feel threatening to what you hold near and dear, including your self worth. The shame, the guilt, the fear — things you’re still working through today but from a much better place let me tell you! I mean, sure, your rose-tinted glasses have quite a few scratches from all those face plants. Your hair has leaves and twigs sticking out of it. Your legs are covered in bruises from falling. These, my girl, are your battle wounds. Yes! You sure as hell have earned them. And we’re earning more as we go.

We are EVR Creative EVR now (it’s January 26, 2021). We are EVR strong. That last face plant was the worst. And it’s not like we just popped up, by the way. It’s a process. But as we kept walking up that mountain, we were offered a mental health toolbox, which we fashioned into a handy-dandy toolbelt so that it hurts less when we face plant next. It’s gonna happen, I know it. Because being a womanpreneur is hard. This complex, creative, wild, sometimes anxious mind of ours takes us on a wild ride. But it is our mind, and we can use it for good.

I’m not really sure what lies ahead. Could be a boring flat stretch, or a stretch so steep that face planting actually keeps us upright, or a downhill bit we’ll ride like a slide , or…? Who the heck knows. And, honestly, does it really matter? Because, after all, we’re climbing a freaking mountain. And there are a lot of tree roots to potentially face plant on. But you know what? I think the trees look greener up here.

If I had a gold star sticker, I’d give it to you as a token to show you, admittedly naïve but respectably tenacious Pre-EVR Creative EVR, that you will be fine. You will become personally stronger. You will find success. Spoiler alert: you will be paid to do work that you created for yourself. Pretty cool, huh? Yes, your world is about to be all topsy-turvey in a world that is all cattywampus itself, but everything will be okay. My God, you will be brave. You are brave.

Promise me one thing? That you’ll publish this letter so that it might help someone else. Maybe there’s someone out there that would benefit from your future self telling you to not worry, to keep going. They could see themselves in this letter. You never know, right? Sharing is caring, and we both know how much you care. It’s why we do what we do. It’s who we are. Solidarity, my girl. I am you, and I am here.

Love,

EVR Creative EVR

P.S. There’s more where this came from.