Q&A with COVID-19, Part I
Q: We’ll make this quick because I know you’re extremely busy. This may get a little tense, so let’s start easy. Where are you from?
A: I come from a large family of RNA viruses called Coronavirus. You may have heard of us? We’re pretty well-known because of our bad reputation. It’s difficult to have your family be assimilated with disease, but that’s the truth. We can’t all be given saintly duties in this world. As for me, specifically, I’m not 100% sure where I came from. I am novel, after all (*brushes shoulder*). But I heard on the news that I made my debut in a large food market in Wuhan, China. Now you hear my name across the world. It’s crazy (*shakes head*).
Q: What’s it like being a thing that went viral—excuse the pun—across the world?
A: I’ll tell you it’s tough. I was pretty content in my first home in Animal. Then, in that market, I was transferred to Human. So, given the circumstances, I did what I do best and started replicating. I couldn’t stop myself. Next thing I know, my army of minions were all over. I had my teeth, if you will, in so many humans that I knew I was going viral. I felt bad because some of the humans I lived in died. That’s the hardest things about being a virus. Sometimes you take a life. In this case, I’ve taken several. I really wish I never got transferred to Human. I’m only fulfilling my destiny, but I feel so bad.
Q: Let’s say you were given a megaphone that could transmit a single message across the globe—everyone would hear it. What would you tell the world?
A: Wash your hands. All the time. Do it well. It’s public health 101. I’m viral, but I can be stopped.
Q: If you had one superpower, what would it be?
A: I wish I could be all altruistic and say that I would be my own antidote—what you humans call a vaccine. But that’s just not in my nature. Yes, I feel terrible about the outbreak, but I am also self-preserving. I guess I would say being psychic. For the amount of time I spend in animals and humans, I wish I could hear their thoughts. I imagine it would be pretty dang entertaining. I wonder if I could make popcorn in the human stomach—it seems like a great pot for food (*raises one eyebrow*).
Q: Okay, this is your chance to do some good, COVID-19. If you could give one piece of advice what would it be?
A: Eat more plants. Animals are pretty prone to invasion by my boisterous family and other bugs, especially considering animals’ living conditions when they’re farmed for food. Eating animals means that you accept the risk of a bug being passed from farm to fork. On the other hand, plants are less likely to be bombarded by my family or other bugs. Let’s just say they’re less hospitable to us viruses, which is bad for us but good for you. And—bonus—plants are good for you! I really don’t understand why humans don’t eat them more. So, I guess what I’m saying is you should eat them more. Maybe I’m hard to trust as a virus that is taking down the world, but I’ve done a fair amount of reading on vegetarian and vegan diets while traveling around the world. I find it fascinating. Have you heard of avocados? Man, they seem so tasty. I wish I could eat those superfoods. Hey, maybe that would be my superpower—eat superfoods! Just for the nutrition, not to infect, I promise (*winks*).
(Part II here)
