Q&A With Ava Avocado

Q: Where are you from?

A: I’m from California. I hesitate to say that, though, because there are so many stereotypes about Californians, especially California girls. I do not wear short shorts—and I wouldn’t, even if I had legs. I don’t have blond hair—I’m beautifully bald. I am not tan—I flaunt my green skin all day. I don’t surf, but I do love the beach. I don’t have a convertible—my ride is my roll. I do love the sun, and I admit I like fashionable sunglasses. In fact, I’m currently working with a sunglasses company to make an avocado-specific design. It’s hard to keep sunglasses on when you don’t have a whole lot of facial features or hands to push them up on your face.

Q: What’s one thing you love about yourself?

A: My curves.

Q: What are you good for? I mean in terms of nutrition.

A: I have the good fat—monounsaturated fats are the junk in my trunk, if I can be so bold. I’m also a good source of fiber and potassium—take that Betty Banana!

Q: What do you make of the fact that you’re often misclassified as a veggie?

A: I don’t mind. I could see why people make that mistake because fruit is usually sweet and I’m more savory, but I have a sweet disposition, right? (*winks*) I really respect my veggie friends for all the great things they provide you humans. But I think what makes me so great is that besides being super nutritious, I’m so versatile. Spread me on toast—it’s like a nice back rub; blend me in a smoothie—though that makes me dizzy; sprinkle my chunks on tacos—I’m like food confetti…the list goes on. I mean, you wouldn’t want to put broccoli on toast, would you? No offence to Barbara Broccoli—she’s a good friend of mine. So, whether you call me a fruit or veggie doesn’t really bother me. I like to walk that line…roll that line?

Q: What’s your favorite song?

A: “The Avocado Song” by Alton Eugene. I get down to that. “Avocado Aficionado” by Soaked Oats is also great—yeah, sounds super hipster, I know. That one is more of a serenade. Both are on Spotify! Go listen to them, especially the first one. My bestie Emily and I can’t help but dance when it comes on…it’s quite a scene. By the way, I love the Spotify app. It’s so green! And yes, in case you were wondering, I can hear music. It just envelops me, and I feel it in my pit.

Q: Maybe this is too personal, but I have to ask. Can you tell me about your pit?

A: Yeah! My pit is my head, so it’s where all the magic happens. Some people call me hard-headed, but I’m really a softie. If you couldn’t tell by my headshot, I love to smile. In fact, I’m always smiling. And just like you, I have a lot going on in my head. I love solving math problems, especially fractions—probably comes with the territory of being a half. I also love physics. I like to retell the story of Newton discovering universal gravitation from the perspective of an avocado falling from a tree, not an apple—no offence, Andy Apple.

Q: You’re a superfood. Does that mean you have a superpower?

A: You bet it does! [Starts singing “I’ve got the power”] I’m full of them but disclosing them all to you would make me less powerful. I will tell you about one of them—invisibility. For example, you can use me to make chocolate mousse and you’d never know I was in there. There are all sorts of recipe renditions that I star in—Google it. Just don’t share my secret until after people have tasted it.

Q: What’s it like to be squeezed all the time?

A: It’s great—it’s like a nice massage. Some people are more aggressive about it than others. But instead of complaining, I just take it as a deep tissue massage. We all need one of those every once in a while. My bestie Emily is the best squeezer I know. She has a knack for it. It’s part of the reason we get along so well. Her boyfriend actually picked me out, so kudos to him. Just one note to all you squeezers out there—don’t use too much pressure or I’ll bruise!

Q: What’s the best way to keep an avocado half fresh?

A: There are a few ways. I find it easiest to stay fresh when I’m in an airtight container in the fridge. Think fresh as cool—you know like fresh, with a ph. But I won’t stay fresh for long that way—usually only a day or two. It’s best to just spread me on toast if the time window is coming up. I hear avocado toast is all the rage these days. Some restaurants charge upwards of $10 for it—it’s crazy! Guess that means I’m trendy. (*winks*)

Q: Any last words of wisdom?

A: Bite me. (*smirks*)